its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
