your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize