you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
