WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize