so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
