I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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