Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
