So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
