maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize