you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
