ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
