her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
