I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
