you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
