My Higher Power is John Stamos
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
