at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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