he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize