It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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