Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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