peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
