i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
