I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So much rum. So many feels.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
