yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
