I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
