Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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