I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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