I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
