Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
