Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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