Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize