Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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