a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
