Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
