Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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