I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
