do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
