Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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