you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
