I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Acid is not a monday night drug
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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