planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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