You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
