I am in a vortex of obligation.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
