nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize