i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
