Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
