I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
