i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
