I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
