I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
