Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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