If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
