Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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