This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
