Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
