Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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