Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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