Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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