Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The air taste purple.
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