Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
