tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
