i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
This is classic penis vs brain.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
