Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
