Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She's the barista slut.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Randomize
