yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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