dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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