no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
