I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
