I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
