plz talk dirty to me
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
