So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
