Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
