Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
